As an older adult, you have a wealth of world experience, which could include firsthand parenting experience. That can put you in a unique position to support younger loved ones who are in the midst of parenting young kids. However, it's not always easy to support parents in a way that's well-received. Consider these ways to support your loved one as they raise their kids, whether it's your adult child or another family member.
If you raised kids yourself, you have your parenting style and methods that worked well for you. However, many parenting methods have evolved over the years. Plus, everyone has a slightly different way of raising their kids. No matter how you feel about your loved one's parenting style, it's important to respect the differences. Unless the child is in danger, letting your loved one parent in their way reduces their stress. Criticizing their choices or telling them how you would do things differently can hurt their feelings or cause resentment that pushes them away.
Wanting to help your loved ones is natural, especially if they're having trouble dealing with the stresses of parenting. Instead of jumping in and doing things for your loved one, ask them how you can best help. They know which areas are most difficult for them and might have some ways you can ease their load. If you have ideas of how you want to help, offer a few options and let the parents pick which would be the most helpful. Don't be offended if they suggest different ways you can help.
If you're physically able to babysit and feel comfortable doing so, consider offering your services to parents. Getting a break can be difficult. Even watching the kids for a few hours so their parents can go on a date can be helpful. However, some parents, especially new parents with babies, are nervous to leave their little ones with anyone. If they decline, accept the answer graciously. You might offer again when the child is a little older, or you might focus on other ways you can support them.
Spending time with the family can help your loved one with their parenting. You might offer some entertainment options for the kids to keep them occupied. This can give the parents a little break, even if they don't leave the kids with you. It also gives you a chance to bond with the kids. You can share your interests and knowledge with them in a fun way.
Let your loved one know you're always there to listen. It can be helpful to talk through difficult parenting situations. Try to listen with an open mind and not judge what they're saying. Resist the urge to offer unsolicited advice as they vent to you. Feel free to share your advice if they ask for it, but be aware that some people are offended or annoyed by unsolicited advice. If the parents disagree on something, avoid choosing sides, as this could cause more conflict.
Your loved one may set boundaries with you as you learn how to support them as parents. For instance, they might request that you call before you visit or reserve weekends for their immediate family. While these boundaries might seem harsh or cause you to feel left out, it's important to respect those boundaries. Your loved one is expressing what they need based on what they feel is best for their family. Challenging the boundaries they set may cause them to pull away even more.
Sometimes, a parent simply needs to hear that they're doing a good job. New parents could feel like they're making mistakes or don't know what they're doing. Find ways to be encouraging and point out things they're doing well. For instance, you might point out how well they redirected their toddler when they started to throw a temper tantrum, or you might let them know that you notice how patient they always are with their child.
If you're in a position to help financially, you could ease a burden for your young relatives. Affording kids can be challenging, especially with young children who wear diapers or drink formula. You might offer to buy necessities for the family or offer them gift cards to help them buy what they need. If they're financially secure now, you might consider investing in the child's education. This can help them in the future. You could also help with extra things like paying for dance recital fees or contributing to back-to-school shopping.
If you've already incorporated prayer into your routine, add your young loved ones to your prayers. You can pray about a specific situation if you know your loved one is going through a challenging time as a parent. You can also pray in general for them to parent faithfully. Prayers are a silent way you can support them, even if they tell you they don't need help.
